There’s no domain where euphemisms are in more wide-spread use than for job names.

Window cleaners don’t exist anymore (http://news.scotsman.com/uk.cfm?id=529732007). But suddenly a vision clearance engineer might be dangling with a mob in front of your window. Even the poor toll booth collectors must have all been hit by a comet or so, because now on highways you are served by coin facilitation engineers. And you won’t find any ads for student jobs working as supermarket shelf stackers, because they are looking for stock replenishment advisers … who are just as poorly paid.

Here are a few more examples:
Education Center Nourishment Production Assistant – Dinner lady
Domestic Engineer – Housewife
Waste Removal Engineer – Garbageman/Binman (… I can never quite make up my mind, whether to stick to British English or, as suggested by the spell checker in Google/Wordpress, to American English/spelling).

If your job title does not have “manager”, “architect”, “officer” or at least “engineer” in the title, then you better go and look for alternatives.

Now don’t get me wrong. I generally think this is a good thing. Certainly these things sound much nicer and probably feel better to the employees, especially if it comes with an ever so slight increase in respect.

Still, just for fun, I’d like to advocate a bit of dysphemism. (What? You don’t know what dysphemism is? Well, I didn’t either. But http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/dysphemism told me.) Why not give very plain and dull or negative sounding names to perfectly respected and even admired jobs?

Here are a few suggestions. Please feel free to comment on and improve them.

Astronaut – tin can traveler
Surgeon – organ plumber
Politician – people’s servant
Mathematics professor – computer
Firefighter – oxidation inhibitor (… not very negative, but somehow less heroic)

I wish you a not so horrible period without daylight.

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